Hi! Welcome to Jodi, Fat or Not!
I decided to start blogging when I realized there was much more to losing weight than just exercising and eating right. There’s a lot of mental struggle in constantly pushing yourself to make healthy choices and it feels a bit like swimming upstream to work against a lifetime of unhealthy habits.
I’ve always been fat. Ever since I can remember, my parents were trying to get me to lose weight. Because of that, I developed an unhealthy relationship with food early on and it lead to a lifetime of binge and secret eating.
I think what is unique about my story is that I never really hated my body. I was always aware that other people had a problem with it, but not me. For the most part, I liked how I looked and I loved food and any dieting attempts (some brief stints with Weight Watchers) were mostly fueled by trying to get my parent’s approval.
Then I went to college. And while I wasn’t under the watchful eye of my parents anymore, the binge and secret eating continued and expanded until anything was an excuse to stuff my face. Whether it was because I was stressed over writing a paper, or celebrating a final exam, it was always accompanied by lots of unhealthy food.
It wasn’t until I graduated and moved out on my own that I really thought about how I was feeding myself. I somehow stumbled upon an amazing community of bloggers who were writing and talking about fat acceptance. I fell in love. Here was a group of fat woman who loved their bodies and ate without guilt! It was revolutionary to me. I learned about concepts such as “health at every size” and really started to understand that food was not a moral issue. There are no good or bad foods despite the thousands of messages aimed toward women telling them otherwise.
It was then that I decided I would never try and diet again. I would love my body and eat what I craved and not feel guilty about it. It worked for a while. I had confidence, I was happy, but I never really felt healthy.
Then I went on a 10-day trip to Israel and the events of that trip changed everything. I was around 240 pounds at the time – my highest weight ever – and I couldn’t keep up with the hiking or tours and I felt judged by everyone else around me. I journaled a lot during those 10 days and thought seriously about the person I was. I was drinking and partying a lot at the time and I didn’t really feel fulfilled
So when I came home I decided to do something about it. Except this time, it was my own decision, and it came from purely a place of love. I wasn’t pressured to lose weight by anything other than my drive to live a different life, full of movement and variety.
I went to what I knew: Weight Watchers. I stayed on the plan and lost about 20 pounds and then decided that I really didn’t agree with the company’s philosophy and would rather be paying money on gym memberships and healthy food than the program. So I joined MyFitnessPal and began counting calories. At first it felt odd, but soon I realized that tracking what and how much I was eating is simply another tool of knowledge. I try not obsess over the numbers, as much as one can while still having the goal of weight loss.
So that brings me to now. A lifetime of emotional and binge eating followed by a desire to love my body in the best and most fufilling ways, with healthy food and lots of activity.
Below I posted my weight loss tracker because this is, after all, a blog about weight loss. And while I have to admit that seeing my weight drop is a driving force in my journey, I wanted people to know that it is not the only thing that should fuel the desire to get healthy. My story is one of love, happiness and acceptance, and I truly believe it’s those elements – not calorie counting or exercise – that have made all the difference.
Created by MyFitnessPal – Free Calorie Counter