I don’t mean to go so long between posts, ack!
Things are going great here in Fat or Not land. My blog for the Dirty Girl Mud Run went live on May 13 (there’s still time to sign up!) and you can read that here. It’s a good introduction to what I’m all about and why I started running.
I’ve been going to Crossfit three times a week…and…I LOVE IT. I did NOT expect to enjoy crossfit. To be fair, a lot of the time I am terrified of the workouts. I don’t know if it’s just my box (heh) but everyone is so nice and that’s what keeps me coming back. We did a really hard WOD (ugh, I’m now that person) on Tuesday (4 Rounds: 400 m run; 15 box jumps *I do step ups*; and 15 burpees) and I finished at least 10 minutes after everyone else but the whole time people were counting my reps and cheering me on. There is so much support, quitting is not an option.
On top of crossfit I’m trying to run as much as possible with couch to 5K to prepare for the mud run and just to up my overall stamina. I also finally bought a foam roller and it has been a game changer. Hurts so good.
Basically, fitness is back in my life in a BIG way and I couldn’t be happier! I have more energy and I’m so excited to be out and about doing active things again like hiking and running. This year when winter comes around again I’m going to need to have a more substantial fitness plan in place so Netflix doesn’t take over my life. Frealzies.
Overall, I’m doing a better job at balance (I think), which has always been a huge issue for me. Since the start of losing weight, I never really grasped how to be healthy and have a social life. Although I’m not losing weight right now, it’s also not my focus. I’m enjoying eating out with friends and family and not stressing about it while working out 6 days a week. I still feel like I’m recovering from a year-long backslide into disordered eating with an extreme pattern of binge eating/restricting so losing weight is NOT what I need to be focusing on right now. I’m happy, I’m moving, I’m enjoying life.
A few weeks ago I took a long weekend to drive to Ohio to visit my dear friend Louis. While there we ate out a ton (Have you been to Jeni’s Ice Cream? Go. Eat. Rest. Eat again.) but I also went on a run and did a lot of walking. When I got back, my weight was up a few pounds, but it was nothing like the huge fluctuations I experienced when I was binging/restricting and that’s a huge success to me.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my mindset two years ago when I was still losing weight pretty steadily. There were times I would get frustrated and want to try a fad diet or something, but then I would ask myself: “If you never lost another pound, would you still be doing what you were doing?”The answer was always YES. I’m cooking for myself (hello self love!), I’m exercising in enjoyable ways that I look forward to, I’m not letting my weight/body image get in the way of trying new things or enjoying life, I’m putting myself out there to new experiences, people, situations, etc. When I think of what I wanted to accomplish from losing weight, it’s those things, and I’m doing them, so why does the scale matter?! It doesn’t.
When I was in the thick of my depression/binge eating last summer I remember being so scared that I would just disappear into a numb state of drive-throughs and chocolate and my friend Tracey (eternal soul mate/best friend/lifesaver) reminded me that it was not possible to go back to the same place. Even though I didn’t feel it at the time, I really had changed in a permanent way, and she believed that I would find my way to the other side somehow.
I hear a lot of bloggers talk about their feel-good weight. It’s something that’s supposedly easy to maintain and a place where their clothes fit well, blah blah blah, and I honestly don’t ever know what that will look like for me. But, right now, I feel good, and my weight is what it is, so I’m going to go ahead and declare a feel good weight.
Actively choosing to NOT believe in the fantasy that losing weight will change my life has brought me to where I am now and it’s what I think of as my secret to success.
A few days ago mega-blogger Carla Birnberg posted this quote on Instagram:
“Be stubborn about your goals, and be flexible about your methods.”
It made me think about what my goals are (happiness, movement, love) and also made me realize that since I’m constantly evolving, so should be my approach to these goals. I think I had been stuck in a place of trying to replicate what I first did to get healthy and that’s just not realistic, in the same way that I could never go back to who I was before getting healthy at all, despite feeling like I was for those few months.
Anyway, this is a long, rambling post just to say that I feel good, and right now that matters more to me then my jeans being a little tight. Happy Friday.