I’m bacckkk after what was simply the most amazing and draining two weeks. On June 21 I boarded a plane to London where I was picked up a day later by a bus for a European adventure. Through the company Expat Explore, I spent the next 10 days touring Amsterdam, Germany, Italy, Switzerland, and Paris.
From cheese and wine tastings, to the Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Eiffel Tower, Jungfrau, and the seedy (heh. puns.) Red Light District, each day put me in a new country with new friends and some ridiculous experiences. The great part was that it was a no-stress travel trip through 6 countries, but the intense schedule (and intense partying…more on that later) took a toll on my body and by the time I got back to London on July 3 I had a pretty nasty cold.
Regardless, I powered through by drugging myself with cold medicine 24-7 and saw all the classic touristy things, the Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, Westminster Abbey, the Tower Bridge, London Eye, Shakespeare’s Globe Theater and so much more.
While in London I stayed with friends and relatives of my travel-buddy Nadish who I can’t thank enough for their hospitality. During the country-hopping bits I stayed in hostels with rooms of 4-6 girls. I know hostels aren’t everyone’s cup of tea but I seriously love feeling like I’m back in college with late night chats and shared meals and spaces.
Let’s talk weight.
There are always moments when I’m so unbelievably grateful for my current state of size and health. Like when I know the towels are going to cover me at the hostels, like when it’s freezing in Germany and all I have are summer dresses and I know stores will carry clothes in my size, like when I’m not worried about taking up too much room in my seat on a plane, or bus, or the tube, and like when I actually just feel normal.
I’m so used to being the biggest person in the room. It’s become my default setting. On this trip I felt like a normal person. It was refreshing.
I had little to no control over my food choices most days. Breakfast was sometimes yogurt and (sugary) granola, sometimes croissants, butter, meat, and cheese. Lunches were at rest stops – lots of ham and cheese paninis, chocolate, and chips, Dinner was overflowing plates of pasta followed by scoops of gelato.
I enjoyed every bite. Some days we walked a lot. Some nights I danced a lot. And once at a rest stop I did a few sets of lunges and crunches. Otherwise, it was a totally indulgent vacation.
Admittedly, the drinking was a bit too indulgent on a few nights. But hey, I’m still me, with a love of taking everything over the top, including how many glasses of wine (or, um, buckets of booze) I can handle. Some people hate that feeling of not being in control, I happen to not be one of those people. All’s well that ends well, right? 🙂
At the end of my trip I went to visit a friend who lives in London that I met while traveling in Sri Lanka in 2010. We’ve stayed in touch through Facebook and he’s followed my weight loss while I’ve followed his book-barge lifestyle (Check out Word on the Water!). Paddy has this insane ability to read people and three years ago completely out of the blue he told me I would lose 100 pounds. This was before I had any plans of losing any weight and before I had even thought the thought myself. Seeing him three years later and being *this close* to that 100-pound mark was surreal. He’s a rare gem of a human on this earth and carries himself with an authenticity that I’m unlikely to ever see in another person. I felt drunk on happiness after my visit to his boat, his livelihood, his snuggly cats.
Annnd, that brings us to actually getting to that 100 pound mark (and beyond!).
I have no idea what my weight is right now.
I know my jeans are a little tighter than before I left for vacation, but I’m sure a few weeks of normal (for me) eating will remedy that situation.
Right now, after 16 days of eating whatever I wanted, I’m waaaay too chicken to step on the scale. And I think that’s a good thing.
I’ve been struggling with losing weight consistently for…..almost a year now? It’s been a while. I have a gajillion theories about why this is, but I think at the heart of each reason is that I let emotional eating creep back into my life.
I’m not too upset with myself, I know that struggling with my weight is actually more normal than losing weight, but who wants to be normal? Not me.
Overcoming emotional eating leads to freedom. I want that freedom.
You all know I’m a big fan of Leo Babauta over at Zen Habits. However, for a few weeks now I’ve noticed some internal resistance to reading his blog. Super interesting right? It’s like, reading it would force me to confront that I knew I wasn’t living in a way that made me happy.
Emotional eating for me is self sabotage, it disconnects me from what is really going on and allows me to not address what I’m actually feeling.
That. has. to. stop.
But it’s not enough to say it. A declaration is not action.
I’m going to focus on the things I want IN my life, rather than the things I I’m trying to avoid. Ya know, flow with the Universe and all that jazz.
Daily (!!!!!!) activity.
More quality time with friends and family.
Daily gratitude journaling.
There were some moments during the long stretches of bus rides between countries where I was really grateful that I made a commitment to myself to live differently. It was such a nice feeling to just stare out at miles of land and just feel content. I felt like I had some real moments of inner peace that I’m proud to say I work hard for.
Those habits above are what I know got me to a place of contentment and that’s what I hope to make this blog (and my life) more about over the next couple of months. There have been a lot of words here but not much action.
I started this blog to talk as much as I wanted about all things fat, but it’s also helped me stay accountable to honoring my voice, and that’s exactly what I need right now.
“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” – Dalai Lama