For the first time in over two years I don’t know my weight
I put away the scale about a week before my trip to Costa Rica and haven’t taken it out since.
Here is what I do know:
Last week I took my first (of hopefully many!) solo vacations to Central America. I wasn’t uncomfortable fitting into the seat on the airplane. The towels at the hostel easily covered me. I had confidence to talk to people and make friends in ways I wouldn’t have before.
I signed up for hikes without worrying about whether I’d be able to keep up with the group.
I signed up for zip lining without needing to check if there was a weight limit requirement.
When I went out to eat with the people I met, or when I raved about the the sugary snow cone I enjoyed on the beach, I didn’t feel shame for eating in public and enjoying it.
I also know that after five days of eating bigger meals than is normal for me, and daily treats like chocolate and ice cream, I felt tired and cranky.
I don’t know what I weigh right now, but I know how I feel and I’m putting that first. I’m not going to let a number cloud what my body is telling me.
My first night back after dumping my bags at my apartment I rushed out to the grocery store to make sure I would be stocked with nutritious food for work the next day.
It’s been a while, but I’m slowly working my way back to a place of love with my body and for me that means spending more time focusing on the positive and hopefully no time focusing on the number.
I will trust and believe that the work I have already done in changing my life will prevent me from gaining all the weight back – the biggest fear motivating my scale obsession.
I know that if I focus on the fear, that is what I will continue to attract into my life, so I choose to live in a place of joy, of happiness, of love.
A number, a clothing size, an extra piece of chocolate do not change those things for me. That is what I know.
Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present – Jim Rohn