Discipline

For a while now I’ve been obsessed with the idea of discipline.

Discipline in actions and discipline in thoughts.

Taking big goals and breaking them down into changes that take place one habit at a time, through strict discipline.

It’s the only way I believe things get done. It’s the only way I believe that change can happen.

But it can sometimes make me unpopular, even with myself.

Take for instance, negative thoughts about my body.

Ideally, I would have a strict no body-bashing policy with myself and with others.

I would stop every “fat” thought that goes through my head and replace with love and gratitude.

Here is what I’ve learned. The seemingly insignificant negative body thoughts always leads back to the same dreadful place: stuck in the fantasy of being thin.

The “please, let me wake up tomorrow with a different body” thoughts.

The “everything would be different if only I was skinny” thoughts.

This, in turn, leads to actions like overeating, or not eating, or binge eating, or whatever.

The point is, if I had used discipline to stop the negative thought when it was small, Smile instead of frown at my reflection, If I had taken a few minutes everyday to thank my body, be grateful for my health, instead of wonder what was wrong with it, then the fantasy wouldn’t exist. I wouldn’t need it.

There is nothing worse than wanting a different reality. There is nothing worse than the disappointment of realizing again and again that the there is no quick fix. It takes more work, but is ultimately easier, to go through whatever you are facing with eyes wide open.

A lot of what I’ve learned about how I want to live my life has been discovered through using discipline to change my actions and habits which have resulted in weight loss.

I know it is within me to be disciplined because I am motivated by love for myself.

I know that being disciplined will require me to be vigilant in my actions and thoughts, even when I don’t want to be, even when other people don’t want me to be.

I know that being disciplined is easier when I am confident in what I want for myself, no matter what anyone else thinks about it.

I know that being disciplined is the fastest and easiest and best (and only) way to live a life that is rewarding and meaningful.

“Don’t think you can attain total awareness and whole enlightenment without proper discipline and practice. This is egomania. Appropriate rituals channel your emotions and life energy toward the light. Without the discipline to practice them, you will tumble constantly backward into darkness.” – Lao Tzu

 

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