Next week will mark the two year anniversary of my commitment to take on life. In that moment, I made a promise to treat myself only with love, through taking care of my mind and body in the best ways I knew how, by healthy (for me) eating, making exercise a priority, and a dedication to positive thinking.
Two years ago food was my answer to everything. My comfort. My happiness. I regularly ate at Wendy’s and McDonald’s. Two years ago it was not unusual for me to go through a half gallon of ice cream in two days.
Two years ago you would find me consuming family-size bags of potato chips and stuffing dozens of crumpled candy wrappers into the garbage.
Two years ago I was not able to run a quarter mile.
Two years ago, I stepped off the plane from Israel and onto a scale.
Two hundred and forty three pounds.
Two years ago I decided to take on my life. The good. The bad. The hurt and the happiness. I wanted it all.
Last night, I reread my journal from those 10 days in Israel, and I wanted to share a few excerpts with you. I’m hesitant to call this trip the “spark” to my journey, because I believe change can happen at any time, but for whatever reason, this was the catalyst to where I am now.
Oct. 21, 2010:
“I have so much anxiety on this trip. I was crying in the film room because I felt so closed in and stressed out. I don’t really know how to deal with it. I’m scared all the time that I’m not going to be able to do anything and everyone is going to hate me. I just don’t want to feel like this ever again. I don’t know if it’s my fat holding me back, my lack of physical fitness or a mental thing. I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t want to miss out on anymore hikes but I don’t know what else to do. I am in PAIN, emotionally and physically. I’m stressed out and anxiety ridden. I’m just not getting anything out of this, and I really, really want to. I wanted to get away and get some perspective. Maybe this is teaching me to focus back on myself, start praying again and definitely start writing again. I think I just need to get back to my center and think about what is important and what I want for myself and my life.”
Oct. 25, 2010
“We went to Masada today and the Dead Sea. I struggled a lot at Masada, but actually had a great time. I’m still a little worried about the hikes I have left, but they’re going to happen whether I’m scared or not so I might as well just accept that it’s going to hurt and it’s going to be painful but I’ll get through it and be stronger for it. I want to use this as a jumping point when I get back. Now that I know I can do these things I can really do anything. I really actually want to take time for myself and be really selfish and do exactly what I want to do.”
Oct. 27, 2010
I honestly have no interest in going out in Tel Aviv. I want to get back into a routine. I have no money and unless I get a routine going I’m not really going to have any money. This whole eating out thing has to stop. And this whole experience had definitely made me want to get into shape.”
After an intense 10 days of journaling and introspection, I came out of that trip realizing that I had a lifetime’s worth of habits that needed to change, and for the first time, I believed it was possible.
Happy two years, Jodster. 🙂
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be” – Lao Tzu
Starting weight: 243
Last week: 163
This week: 162
Total loss: 81
Click here for every weigh-in, ever.